What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Why do we often have strong feelings for our twin flames, even if they don't feel the same way? Is there a way to make them realize their true feelings for us?

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Did you ever accidentally have sex with your brother/sister in India?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Why was Cars 2 so bad?

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

How should one respond to compliments such as "You are so special" and "I'm lucky to have met you" from a guy?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

What are my 10 favorite rock record album opening tracks?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

I’m a 25 year old teacher teaching at boys school & I have colleagues younger than me. I caught one of my students telling her he wanted her as his teacher instead & it hurt my feelings. They compliment her a lot. It makes me jealous. What do I do?

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

If there is an abandoned house with no owner, can I live in it?

Make Nazis afraid again!

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

President Trump kicked Zelensky out of the White House. Is it over for a deal?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Will Kamala Harris rekindle the business model of sleeping your way to the top?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

TEXT:

As a friend of Megan's who also watches Suits, would you advise her not to return to the show in order to protect her character's reputation?

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.